A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt…
Articles by Tony Lapointe
The contradiction of church
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us.” – David Richo The church has played a significant role in my life, both good and bad. It provided structure to my life that was needed in order to discover who I am and at the same time, was instrumental…
The Fear to Love
“…it is the affirming love of another man that is the most effective antidote to the battered self esteem of most gay men in our society. And it is the love of another over time that provides the greatest certainty and clarity about one’s personal identity as a gay man. Only then does being gay become indispensable to one’s happiness.” Richard Isay, “Becoming Gay”
The Journey Home
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” C.G.Jung Three years ago, my home town of Portage la Prairie began having its own Pride March to celebrate LGBTQ citizens and to foster a sense of inclusion in the city. The first one was 2016 and when I saw it I was…
The Power of Loneliness
“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life’s cruelest irony.” Douglas Coupland I wonder what, if any, role loneliness plays in true belonging. Can one truly belong and feel lonely at the same time or are they enemies of each other? I will admit that I…
The Father Wound
As children (and even as adults), we long for the connection with our fathers. In my life, and countless clients through the years, the wounds we experience are deep. I was raised in a single parent home. For whatever reason, when I talk about this, the focus has generally been on the parent who was…
The road not taken
“The hardest thing about the road not taken is that you never know where it might have led.”
Embracing authenticity
The struggle to be authentic and embrace oneself is, in my opinion, one of the most difficult experiences in one’s life. That is certainly true for me.
The Power of Attachment
“Belonging is as fundamental and basic as air and water. We can’t live fully without belonging to something larger than ourselves.” Self acceptance and self understanding is frightening for an insecure child. Children who have a secure attachment to their caregivers have an ability to explore these facets about themselves because the believe (through experience)…
Fitting in is for cowards
I have been trying to fit in my whole life. First in my family, then school, then church, then post secondary, then family, then work. On and on it goes. I don’t believe I’ve ever had the freedom to just be who I am until I gave myself that permission when I was 40. That’s…